Saturday, January 28, 2012

The Meter Maid Murders by Andrew Delaplaine @andrew222

In this comic thriller about a serial killer loose on South Beach murdering meter maids and starring Jake Bricker, the most ineffective detective ever, the first meter maid murder was thought to be an accident. The second one, a coincidence. But when a third meter maid is killed, Chief Raffy Ramirez knows he has a serial killer on his hands. And when that meter maid, Samantha Succubus, turns out to be the sister of Sara Succubus, the lead anchor of the XYZ Network’s top-rated morning news program in New York, the story becomes an international sensation. Stuck in a difficult re-election campaign, Miami Beach Mayor Johnny Germane leans on Chief Ramirez to solve the murders, and now! But Ramirez has every man on the Force working the case, except Jake Bricker, a cop Ramirez has labelled “The Ineffective Detective.” Finally, giving in to pressure, Ramirez puts Bricker on the case. “What harm can he do?” When Bricker tells his high school buddy, Billy Willoughby, that he’s on the case, Billy is overjoyed. In fact, Billy (chief investigative reporter for the local XYZ affiliate, Channel 69, WHY-TV) has just developed a lead himself and he shares it with Jake. A year earlier, Billy had covered a ceremony at which Mayor Germane presented awards to the top 12 meter maids who wrote the most tickets in the last fiscal year. These meter maids were featured in a splashy color calendar. When the meter maids started dying, some of the victims looked familiar, so Billy did a little research and discovered that the meter maid murderer was killing the meter maids in the calendar, one by one, month by month, starting with January. Jake can’t believe his good fortune. “You mean ... we know who his next fuckin’ victim will be?” “Yep,” says Billy, “Miss April.” Billy wants to go tell Chief Ramirez the news, break the story and win an Emmy, but Jake gets him to sit on the scoop so Jake can catch the killer red-handed and take all the credit. “Billy, my career really needs this,” he begs. Of course, even though he knows the killer’s next target, Bricker somehow misses nabbing the killer, one meter maid after another, till by Miss November, Billy is losing patience with his high school buddy.

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